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Knowing relationships & You

Love, Relationships, Life and Union

Month

June 2015

What is a strong relationship?

A strong relationship is one that is hard to achieve, am sure you already know that. However, you might be wondering what exactly is missing that is making your relationship difficult. Well today is your lucky day because am here to help! I have put together a mini power point video to help you better understand the dynamics of a healthy relationship.

I am guessing you are done with the video so let me further explain. In our society of today, most people disregard love, respect and communication and depend on attraction to save their different relationships. Do not do that and why? it is because each of these elements cannot stand on their own, they depend on one another for leverage so let me go ahead to explain.

Firstly,  attraction is a MUST, without this element your relationship is as good as zero be it a mother- daughter relationships, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, friendships, sibling relationships or other forms of relationship. Assume there is a magnet, and you with whomever are the metals on the opposite sides of the magnet, you have to attract to get along. This attraction can be sexual attraction, attraction caused by similar traits or habits  etc.  I hope your following along.

Secondly, respect is KING! I am saying this because no matter how much your attracted to someone without respect that relationship is doomed. level of respect can be determined when the questions i earlier mentioned in the video above are answered. Each of those questions are targeting different ideas and emotions an individual has concerning the other person in a relationship. When these questions are answered and analyzed but unfortunately you find out results show that there is nothing your gaining mutually from one another then there is no respect. If your very observant, then i will not need to tell you the very non-obvious reason why you respect your parents so much, but for the sake of those who do not know it is  because you look up to them as role models and not due to respect being compulsory.  Another example is, remember that one friend you so much respect ever wondered why? well here is answer; you understand their personality so well and you guys have a special way of relating to one another. Am sure your probably thinking wow so true! i never realized.

Thirdly,  Communication is important however, without respect communication is almost impossible.  communication requires a high level of understanding, it requires talking AND listening(see how i emphasize the “and”), it requires compromise which on its own consists of “give and take” and lastly, always  changing point of views. Lean forward, allow me let on a little secret, without putting yourself in the shoes of another person, you CANNOT understand the person.

Finally, LOVE is the ultimate. In the video above, i mentioned the main characteristics of love . Personally, am in love with the idea of love and that is why it would be my pleasure to explain to you the characteristics.

  1. Love is pure: love is pure in the sense that you cannot lie about loving someone because eventually the truth will show itself.The reason being that love demands a lot and in other to meet up to these demands one needs to be very supportive, patient and tolerant. This makes it easy to differentiate between  when you love someone or your in love with someone with when you do not or not.
  2. Love is tender: when you love someone, it is irresistible to cater to the persons needs, the person tends to show off more of their soft sides which is more often than not warmer and more affectionate.
  3. Love is generous: This simply means that love is big enough to be given to whomever you please, love never runs out, its what keeps us alive. It will always be there to be given out in what ever form you desire,it is due to this that a person is capable of loving as much people as possible all at the same time. Love can be given in the form of agape, eros, ludus, storge, pragma and mania, you name it!
  4. Love is unconditional: this concept simply means loving someone no matter what. Through the toughest and ugliest you will be there to help and do not worry Love will be there to give you the strength you need to do this. You know that saying that couples usually use in the movies as their wedding vows; “i will be there in sickness and in health, loving you in bad and good times”? that is unconditional love! Also that saying that if a man that  capable of not loving you at your worst  is not worthy of you at your best, that is unconditional love. it simply means “NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE”.

The Mother & Daughter relationship.

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Mother- Daughter relationships can be very complicated and hard to maintain. Mothers on one hand are programmed to be over protective of their female off-springs, its their nature which is what most daughters  do not understand. On the Other hand, daughters tend to pick offence and and give off the wrong response to their mother’s actions. Yes it can be annoying when mothers are always asking questions but you cant blame them because its a natural instinct they posses. What you can do is tolerate and act right.

Studieshas shown that there are very basic problems that different  Mothers and Daughters seem to have in common.

  • coollogo_com-4461736 Daughters do not have time for their mothers
  • Daughters do not listen to their mothers
  • Mothers are too controlling and exhausting.

Now…

let me say that no matter how true these complaints are, nothing will change the fact that the Mother- Daughter relationships are like   “school work projects”. You cannot submit a shitty (pardon the language) project assignment and expect to get a great score, It does not work that way its like a swing, you have to push to go up. The same thing applies to a mother and her daughter, for the two of you to get along just fine the weight has to be pulled from both side if you not you will remain stagnant.

What i have learnt in life, is that in every complaint or lie, there is a truth. Daughters that complain that their moms nag a lot at them, i ask and why do you think she is nagging? guess what? they always give the same answer which is “i don’t know, she nags for no reason”. Today, i am saying that is impossible. Someone does not just nag for no reason, they are nagging because there is something you did wrong which may either be little or big.  The same thing goes for mothers, your daughters acting a specific way cannot be for no reason, something your doing is not making them happy.

I have developed 4 major key factors in other to get that healthy mother- daughter relationship.

1.)     Mutuality: Another word i can use to describe this is    “reciprocate”, if you don’t understand that, i will give a basic  definition; give and receive.  This is a mechanism  that most people are fund of disregarding but honestly, it is one of  the most basic basic basic basic; notice i said it four times, features  of any successful relationship. This world we live in is built on  this idea “mutuality”.when you take a bar of chocolate from a store in exchange for money your “giving and receiving” at the same time while the person behind the counter “receiving” the money and “giving” you the Chocolate is doing both at the same time. So you see how basic this mechanism is?

Relating this to a mother and daughter relationship, would be thinking that it is your mother or daughter that needs to make changes for the relationship to develop, that is a big mistake. Every type of relationship should be seen as a school project like i said earlier on; you give to receive. When you put in hard work into your project, your score will obviously get better no matter how little. The same goes for mothers and daughters, there will always be certain behaviors that needs to be changed on the part of both parties for there to be any good change at all. This brings me to my next point.

2.)    Communication: How many times do i need to say this? -__-             Communication is the key!!!minions-363019_1280

without communication relationships  will seize to exist. Communication is what is needed to bring any  good change you seek. I have seen in so many different occasions  where communication is being talked about, but it seems people  just nod their heads and believe they understand without actually  UNDERSTANDING.  Communication involves a two way process  of reaching a mutual understanding. A.) Exchange of information B.)  sharing the meaning of the information. Simplifying this long grammar  is simply talking and listening.

This one time i was discussing  with a friend of mine about her boyfriend issues, she kept on saying “they talked about it and sorted everything out but he keeps doing the same thing over and over again”. then i asked her when you say “talked about it” what do you mean? then she says it means “i walked up to him and i told him…” Hell no! the problem is that your either not communicating with him or your communicating too harshly. Your the only one talking, he is not talking and that is why he cannot listen to you and you cannot listen to him too.

In a mother- daughter relationships do not think that by you talking means the other person should listen. Common, we are in the 21st Century, there is something magical called a conversation, be it on social media, mobile ,phone or face to face. Both the mother and the daughter should settle down and exercise  the process of talking and listening, after all its what we do everyday in class when the teacher brings up a topic, gives you information and later, people ask questions and bring up their ideas. Its not hard all you have to do is avoid harsh communication while still trying to tell you mom or your daughter the things you don’t like, then ask for the things they do not like so that the both of you can COMPROMISE and make good changes. Do not forget your there to also listen and not just talk.

3.)    Do i have to say this one?chinese-676650_640

forgiveness and reconciliation may sound like the same thing but they are totally different acts. Forgiveness is an individual act done only when it can be recognized that this person in question has actually been hurt one way or the other, it means totally letting go. However, on the other hand reconciliation is a two- person act. Mothers and Daughters need to forgive themselves before reconciliation can take place.  You have to learn to forgive in order to be forgiven, the earlier it is the better chances of sewing back any damaged part of the relationship.

4.)   Learn to balance Individuality and intimacy: This where most daughters find hard and tend to push their mothers away. As Daughters we all pass through that stage in life where its either you do not want your mothers to input at all into our lives because we feel that we cannot be ourselves if we let our moms contribute or we allow them contribute so much that you do not even have a say on anything anymore. A balance between this two has to be found so we can be our true selves and also have that healthy intimate relationships around with people around.

These are the 4 major factors i have mentioned. I urge you all to study them and also practice for a better Mother- Daughter relationship. If you have any questions, i will surely be happy to answer. Just leave them in the comment box below or email me at knowingrelationships@yahoo.com. For more information you can see in this book: amazon text Amazon&asin=http://www amazon.com/Mothers-Daughters-Mending-Strained-Relationship/dp/0834128365/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8%26qid=1434922370%26sr=8-1%26keywords=mending+the+strained+relationship]

How to turn a friends with benefits into a relationship

Firstly, i would like to address the common mistakes people make between these two forms of relationships “friends with benefits” and “no strings attached”. Now i know many of you may have seen the movie no strings attached. In the movie the partners were completely strangers, who knew nothing about each other. Before going into a “FWB” relationship, you should know the basics which include that the word ” FRIENDS” in that title is not for decoration, both partners in the relationship would have to be friends to make it work and now that’s where the problems starts. Some will ask how can i be actual friends with him/her, have sex and not fall for head over heels? Well the truthful answer is that you cant but that’s why i am here to tell you how you can try to  turn it into a legitimate relationship.

Do’s and Dont’s ….

Where most people make mistakes is when they are setting the rules in guiding the relationship. To begin, your relationship is gonna be based on this keyword “FRIENDS” ,there are some rules that contradict it such as: keeping your thoughts and emotions to yourself. That is all wrong! if you want your relationship to workout adding such rules will only make it break down. The whole point of the relationship in the first place is to be able to share your thoughts and your emotions with your partner because that is what FRIENDS do. when you understand this your a step closer to having a better future with your partner.

Let’s get something clear, articles on the net talking about how women are the ones that usually get attached….its a LIE! its not in every situation that the female ends up attaching relationship elements, in fact 45% of times the guys ends up being the one that falls. Which brings me to my next point.

You can never be sure!

There is no particular pattern as to how a “FWB” relationship should turn out, it all depends on the partners, the circumstances and how you play your cards. I have studied and found out that in most relationships whether its the man or the woman that ends up getting too emotionally attached but the other partner is refusing to take it further, it’s often because of they are scared of taking it to the next level or they are waiting for a direct approach from you or you gave them an ultimatum (no one likes to be pressured). Now in situations where the other person is not willing to partake in furthering the relationship at all you know the problem was from the beginning.

Choosing the right person….

What most people do not know is that if you are “really” friends with someone to the extent of sleeping with them, the two of you are very compatible and that is why choosing the partner for this sort of relationship is very crucial because it contributes to the outcome of the relationship. You do not just pick any friend to sleep with and expect that things to work out when it gets complicated.

Now, another thing is that some people do not know why they are in this sort of relationship, others go into the relationship believing that if they cant have you as a girlfriend or boyfriend, at least they get to have you with them in bed. These sort of instances are the type that mostly lead to disastrous outcomes. Don’t for once think that if someone cannot think of you as a potential partner before sleeping with you, their mind will change if you get in bed with them, it does not work that way because everything balls down to the level of respect and attraction the person has for you.

Leading him/her into your booby trap….(Challenging part)

Let me get to the main point which is turning this sort of relationship to a legit relationship. i will give you factors to consider and follow. I am assuming that you guys are already in a relationship and if that is the case

  • First, do not be pushy about the situation. what most people don’t like is experiencing pressure because it causes frustration which never ends well. These sort of things take time to build up so give it time and just be calm. Plus everyone likes an easy going person.
  • Secondly, you are in a very opportuned position to influence the person (if truly you are friends). What i mean is that if  you guys are really friends it would be so easy getting him/ her to like you but not just as a friend but also see you as a potential partner because you will be allowed to spend time laughing, going out with you guys group of friends, doing what normal friends would do. Doing this, he/she will get to see your fun side and not just your sexual side, also it helps if you know what the person is into, that way you guys can share things in common. This part is important because allowing him/her to see this fun part of can change the persons total perspective about you.
  • Thirdly, control your feelings, this is another essential part. Don’t let your feelings get the best of you, it may be hard seeing your partner sleeping or seeing another person but those are the cons to the relationship so you have to be able to deal with it till you can get him/her to the position you want them in and also remember that no one wants a nagging maniac or a parole officer(if you get what i mean).
  • Don’t forget to be caring on an average level not an obsessed level.
  • Lastly, communication is the key. When you have feelings for your partner don’t be discouraged to say it or show it because if you don’t it will only create space for miscommunication which eventually lead to  more complication.

NOTE: Now let me warn you that this is not a guaranteed method of turning your “FWB” into a potential partner but it is a head start and if after everything, things do not go your way accept it honorably for you never know what the future holds, he/she may not have heard of the saying “you never know what you have till you loose it”.

However If after time and the person does not still see you as a potential partner do not fuss because its not worth it….there will be someone out there better for you. One mistake most people make…Make sure to end everything on a good note do not make it too dramatic and at the same time do not make it too light it should be on an average, that way you guys can still communicate without jeopardizing your friendship this is only for those that still feel they are strong enough to endure that awkwardness but with time i assure you it will fade.

My ultimate advice for all you Ladies and Gentlemen out there is that if you can avoid this sort of relationship please do because somethings are just inevitable and if you feel the only way you can get your partners attention is by being “FWB” then its not worth it because if truly the person is your friend the person would notice you and appreciate you with or without this sort of relationship. I hope i was helpful and if you have any questions you can email me on Knowingrelationships@yahoo.com. Cheers!

Signs he is Cheating you!

Ladies Firstly,

 if you think your man is cheating on you, chances are he is definitely cheating, always follow your guts but not to the point of snooping around his things and following him.snooping woman

That is too wrong. Most articles i have read talk about specific signs to hint that your man is without doubt being unfaithful. Please note that some of these signs cannot be tagged with certain relationships.

Every relationship is different, no! what the heck every HUMAN is different…

There are no specific signs to know a guy is cheating unless you have studied the person both in and out.  Some people say that his mood or behavior is a hint to know he is cheating but if you ask my opinion that is BULLSHIT! why? 

The reason being that there are 1 million and 1 reasons why someones attitude or mood could suddenly change, be it medical or psychological or physical, So do not sink your head into such ideas.

The only thing i can tell you to be at least 75% true is that we are all humans and there are some actions that we are programmed to perform. Example when you are insulted by someone you pick offense almost immediately. its automatic!

The same applies when you know you are doing something bad and its so bad that no one can find out about it, what do you do? you keep it a secret. Its this automatic action that leads to the suspicious and awkward behaviors. e.g not answering his calls around you, becomes over protective towards his phone, starts giving vague answers to his whereabouts. 

However, do not jump into conclusions because like i said the circumstance might be different. it could be someone blackmailing him or better he is planning a surprise party for you. Whatever is the case, the only way to definitely find out is to confront your partner about it. Nothing feels better than to hear it from the horses mouth.

Now, where the real problem lays is seeing if he is going to admit to his actions or not but before that, i have to say that any guy who does not own up to his infidelity is a coward! yes i said and i am not sorry. What is the point of doing something if you cant own up to it. Its like going for a presentation and denying your work, that’s awful! whether good or bad, fine or ugly never hesitate to own up to an outcome of your action. Also him owning up to his actions is the beginning of reconciliation. Without that the relationship will keep falling in pieces.

When your man does not own up to his actions when confronted, that’s when you are allowed to go hardcore IF your fully convinced that he is cheating on you. DO NOT TAKE THIS STEP IF YOU ARE SECOND GUESSING YOURSELF!

Before i forget another thing you can consider to know if you man is cheating, is to study him. This can ONLY  be done if you have carefully analyzed your man and you are without doubt positive that you know him both inside and outside. This way you can tell when something is ultimately wrong and it has something to do with a woman.infidelity-379565_1280

Finally, i know some of you reading this article as a life line choice may be scared, confused or even heart broken. I cannot tell you to not feel that way, it would be pointless but i can tell you that cheating is something that happens often, which many at times there is a causative, so i bid you to re-evaluate your relationship and see what and where it all went wrong. when you have done this, next step is to prepare for the worst since your at a fragile stage in your relationship.

I will assure you that if your successful getting through this stage of your relationship it will make you guys stronger so buckle up and fight for what you want. Cheers.love-163690_1280

I f you have any comment or questions or discussion topics please leave it below in the comment box. Also if you need to contact me by email  knowingrelationships@yahoo.com i would be glad to help you. Do not forget to share and follow us. Have a lovely day :). 

Motivate Yourself

Am here to bring you the tip of the day concerning self- improvement. I want you all to understand and analyze this quote properly

“what is done is done, do not swell in the past, for what is gone is forever gone. One of life’s most valuable lesson is to always move on. It is okay to look back and think of memories but keep moving forward”.

I love this quote a lot and guess why? its because it helps in reminding people that matter what you might have gone through in the past, it is always good to keep your head up forget about it and move on. You know what, if you don’t there’s always gonna be something that keeps holding you back from accomplishing great things and some of us might wonder why its happening but what most fail to understand is that in order to move forward you have to let go of the past.

I was watching a documentary of an old case called “the craigslist killers”, some of you might have heard about it however, when i was watching Miranda Barbour’s confession tape (the female accompanist in the murder case) she did say something that caught my attention which was that one of the things that triggered her into stabbing Laferrara (the victim in the murder case) was that he displayed aggressive attributes towards her which reminded her about her past of being molested by her uncle in her early ages.

ONE IMPORTANT THING TO KNOW IS….

It is not normal to victimize others of the pain you might have gone through not matter the circumstance. it is hard to move from the past but it is not alright when you claim to have moved from the past just like Miranda Barbour did in her situation but still blame your present actions on your past. Really! no matter what you might have gone through, cruelty does not reward anyone it only leaves more scars. Until we all learn not to dwell in the past then the cruelty will be turned to kindness, whatever pain the person may have caused you. what many of us don’t realize is that you cant keep blaming past events and people for your misfortune because when you fail no one will remember it as (someone) caused you to fail instead people will remember it as you caused yourself to fail.

As easy as it may sound its hard to actually move on but when done it is well rewarded. I hope you all have benefited from this article and i would appreciate your comments and reviews. for further information, tips, inquiries you name it! email me at :knowingrelationships@yahoo.com. I would be delighted to help and good bye till next time.

NEWS: Whitney Houston’s “blackmail revealed”

According to FBI files, Whitney Houston was a victim of a blackmail that threatened to expose personal information about the late singer. This secret all- inclusive in the book “Whitney and Bobbi Kristina: The Deadly Price of Fame” purported that Whitney had a lesbian affair with her friend Robyn Crawford. However, when asked by TIME magazine, Whitney denied having such relationship with Miss Robyn, in fact she said that she saw Miss Robyn as a “sister”.

The FBI files stated that Whitney was asked for $25,000 from a Chicago Lawyer the night before the premier of her movie “The Bodyguard”. Apparently, the an Unknown person knew delicate details concerning Whitney’s secret affair, and will publicize the information if not given $25,000.

The report also stated that Whitney’s Dad settled the issue with a confidentiality agreement. However, the amount of money paid in exchange for silence still remains unclear and if the $25,000 demand was met.

 

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