Firstly, i would like to address the common mistakes people make between these two forms of relationships “friends with benefits” and “no strings attached”. Now i know many of you may have seen the movie no strings attached. In the movie the partners were completely strangers, who knew nothing about each other. Before going into a “FWB” relationship, you should know the basics which include that the word ” FRIENDS” in that title is not for decoration, both partners in the relationship would have to be friends to make it work and now that’s where the problems starts. Some will ask how can i be actual friends with him/her, have sex and not fall for head over heels? Well the truthful answer is that you cant but that’s why i am here to tell you how you can try to turn it into a legitimate relationship.
Do’s and Dont’s ….
Where most people make mistakes is when they are setting the rules in guiding the relationship. To begin, your relationship is gonna be based on this keyword “FRIENDS” ,there are some rules that contradict it such as: keeping your thoughts and emotions to yourself. That is all wrong! if you want your relationship to workout adding such rules will only make it break down. The whole point of the relationship in the first place is to be able to share your thoughts and your emotions with your partner because that is what FRIENDS do. when you understand this your a step closer to having a better future with your partner.
Let’s get something clear, articles on the net talking about how women are the ones that usually get attached….its a LIE! its not in every situation that the female ends up attaching relationship elements, in fact 45% of times the guys ends up being the one that falls. Which brings me to my next point.
You can never be sure!
There is no particular pattern as to how a “FWB” relationship should turn out, it all depends on the partners, the circumstances and how you play your cards. I have studied and found out that in most relationships whether its the man or the woman that ends up getting too emotionally attached but the other partner is refusing to take it further, it’s often because of they are scared of taking it to the next level or they are waiting for a direct approach from you or you gave them an ultimatum (no one likes to be pressured). Now in situations where the other person is not willing to partake in furthering the relationship at all you know the problem was from the beginning.
Choosing the right person….
What most people do not know is that if you are “really” friends with someone to the extent of sleeping with them, the two of you are very compatible and that is why choosing the partner for this sort of relationship is very crucial because it contributes to the outcome of the relationship. You do not just pick any friend to sleep with and expect that things to work out when it gets complicated.
Now, another thing is that some people do not know why they are in this sort of relationship, others go into the relationship believing that if they cant have you as a girlfriend or boyfriend, at least they get to have you with them in bed. These sort of instances are the type that mostly lead to disastrous outcomes. Don’t for once think that if someone cannot think of you as a potential partner before sleeping with you, their mind will change if you get in bed with them, it does not work that way because everything balls down to the level of respect and attraction the person has for you.
Leading him/her into your booby trap….(Challenging part)
Let me get to the main point which is turning this sort of relationship to a legit relationship. i will give you factors to consider and follow. I am assuming that you guys are already in a relationship and if that is the case
- First, do not be pushy about the situation. what most people don’t like is experiencing pressure because it causes frustration which never ends well. These sort of things take time to build up so give it time and just be calm. Plus everyone likes an easy going person.
- Secondly, you are in a very opportuned position to influence the person (if truly you are friends). What i mean is that if you guys are really friends it would be so easy getting him/ her to like you but not just as a friend but also see you as a potential partner because you will be allowed to spend time laughing, going out with you guys group of friends, doing what normal friends would do. Doing this, he/she will get to see your fun side and not just your sexual side, also it helps if you know what the person is into, that way you guys can share things in common. This part is important because allowing him/her to see this fun part of can change the persons total perspective about you.
- Thirdly, control your feelings, this is another essential part. Don’t let your feelings get the best of you, it may be hard seeing your partner sleeping or seeing another person but those are the cons to the relationship so you have to be able to deal with it till you can get him/her to the position you want them in and also remember that no one wants a nagging maniac or a parole officer(if you get what i mean).
- Don’t forget to be caring on an average level not an obsessed level.
- Lastly, communication is the key. When you have feelings for your partner don’t be discouraged to say it or show it because if you don’t it will only create space for miscommunication which eventually lead to more complication.
NOTE: Now let me warn you that this is not a guaranteed method of turning your “FWB” into a potential partner but it is a head start and if after everything, things do not go your way accept it honorably for you never know what the future holds, he/she may not have heard of the saying “you never know what you have till you loose it”.
However If after time and the person does not still see you as a potential partner do not fuss because its not worth it….there will be someone out there better for you. One mistake most people make…Make sure to end everything on a good note do not make it too dramatic and at the same time do not make it too light it should be on an average, that way you guys can still communicate without jeopardizing your friendship this is only for those that still feel they are strong enough to endure that awkwardness but with time i assure you it will fade.
My ultimate advice for all you Ladies and Gentlemen out there is that if you can avoid this sort of relationship please do because somethings are just inevitable and if you feel the only way you can get your partners attention is by being “FWB” then its not worth it because if truly the person is your friend the person would notice you and appreciate you with or without this sort of relationship. I hope i was helpful and if you have any questions you can email me on Knowingrelationships@yahoo.com. Cheers!