Mother- Daughter relationships can be very complicated and hard to maintain. Mothers on one hand are programmed to be over protective of their female off-springs, its their nature which is what most daughters do not understand. On the Other hand, daughters tend to pick offence and and give off the wrong response to their mother’s actions. Yes it can be annoying when mothers are always asking questions but you cant blame them because its a natural instinct they posses. What you can do is tolerate and act right.
Studieshas shown that there are very basic problems that different Mothers and Daughters seem to have in common.
- Daughters do not have time for their mothers
- Daughters do not listen to their mothers
- Mothers are too controlling and exhausting.
let me say that no matter how true these complaints are, nothing will change the fact that the Mother- Daughter relationships are like “school work projects”. You cannot submit a shitty (pardon the language) project assignment and expect to get a great score, It does not work that way its like a swing, you have to push to go up. The same thing applies to a mother and her daughter, for the two of you to get along just fine the weight has to be pulled from both side if you not you will remain stagnant.
What i have learnt in life, is that in every complaint or lie, there is a truth. Daughters that complain that their moms nag a lot at them, i ask and why do you think she is nagging? guess what? they always give the same answer which is “i don’t know, she nags for no reason”. Today, i am saying that is impossible. Someone does not just nag for no reason, they are nagging because there is something you did wrong which may either be little or big. The same thing goes for mothers, your daughters acting a specific way cannot be for no reason, something your doing is not making them happy.
I have developed 4 major key factors in other to get that healthy mother- daughter relationship.
1.) Mutuality: Another word i can use to describe this is “reciprocate”, if you don’t understand that, i will give a basic definition; give and receive. This is a mechanism that most people are fund of disregarding but honestly, it is one of the most basic basic basic basic; notice i said it four times, features of any successful relationship. This world we live in is built on this idea “mutuality”.when you take a bar of chocolate from a store in exchange for money your “giving and receiving” at the same time while the person behind the counter “receiving” the money and “giving” you the Chocolate is doing both at the same time. So you see how basic this mechanism is?
Relating this to a mother and daughter relationship, would be thinking that it is your mother or daughter that needs to make changes for the relationship to develop, that is a big mistake. Every type of relationship should be seen as a school project like i said earlier on; you give to receive. When you put in hard work into your project, your score will obviously get better no matter how little. The same goes for mothers and daughters, there will always be certain behaviors that needs to be changed on the part of both parties for there to be any good change at all. This brings me to my next point.
without communication relationships will seize to exist. Communication is what is needed to bring any good change you seek. I have seen in so many different occasions where communication is being talked about, but it seems people just nod their heads and believe they understand without actually UNDERSTANDING. Communication involves a two way process of reaching a mutual understanding. A.) Exchange of information B.) sharing the meaning of the information. Simplifying this long grammar is simply talking and listening.
This one time i was discussing with a friend of mine about her boyfriend issues, she kept on saying “they talked about it and sorted everything out but he keeps doing the same thing over and over again”. then i asked her when you say “talked about it” what do you mean? then she says it means “i walked up to him and i told him…” Hell no! the problem is that your either not communicating with him or your communicating too harshly. Your the only one talking, he is not talking and that is why he cannot listen to you and you cannot listen to him too.
In a mother- daughter relationships do not think that by you talking means the other person should listen. Common, we are in the 21st Century, there is something magical called a conversation, be it on social media, mobile ,phone or face to face. Both the mother and the daughter should settle down and exercise the process of talking and listening, after all its what we do everyday in class when the teacher brings up a topic, gives you information and later, people ask questions and bring up their ideas. Its not hard all you have to do is avoid harsh communication while still trying to tell you mom or your daughter the things you don’t like, then ask for the things they do not like so that the both of you can COMPROMISE and make good changes. Do not forget your there to also listen and not just talk.
forgiveness and reconciliation may sound like the same thing but they are totally different acts. Forgiveness is an individual act done only when it can be recognized that this person in question has actually been hurt one way or the other, it means totally letting go. However, on the other hand reconciliation is a two- person act. Mothers and Daughters need to forgive themselves before reconciliation can take place. You have to learn to forgive in order to be forgiven, the earlier it is the better chances of sewing back any damaged part of the relationship.
4.) Learn to balance Individuality and intimacy: This where most daughters find hard and tend to push their mothers away. As Daughters we all pass through that stage in life where its either you do not want your mothers to input at all into our lives because we feel that we cannot be ourselves if we let our moms contribute or we allow them contribute so much that you do not even have a say on anything anymore. A balance between this two has to be found so we can be our true selves and also have that healthy intimate relationships around with people around.
These are the 4 major factors i have mentioned. I urge you all to study them and also practice for a better Mother- Daughter relationship. If you have any questions, i will surely be happy to answer. Just leave them in the comment box below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. For more information you can see in this book: amazon text Amazon&asin=http://www amazon.com/Mothers-Daughters-Mending-Strained-Relationship/dp/0834128365/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8%26qid=1434922370%26sr=8-1%26keywords=mending+the+strained+relationship]